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Girl...
I really want to try something new.
Even if it means sitting in a different position...
Watching T.V at a different angle...
I have this weird mood every-so-often.
It's hard to describe. But it's basically caused by the re-occuring of the same events over & over again.
It's like..*sighs*
For example:
You like to read. You have only one book to choose from. So, therefore; anytime you wish to read, you only can read that very same book. And you've read it so many times, you know it word for word.
What I'm saying is...
I could tell you what time a Red breasted Robin flies over my house and shits. (1:32-2:00 on Thursdays)
Things just arn't changing enough to make me happy.
It's not like I'm hard to please!
Fuck, If that damn bird flew over my house 5 minutes late, that'd be the highlight of my day...
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Girl...
I feel lonely right now. I haven't felt lonely in 2 months. I normally get this way atleast once a month. I feel as if I'm all alone and no one cares about me. Of course, I know my mom and dad do. But, they created me. They are looking at a mini-them. So, they see no flaws in me and everyone should like me because I'm their "Little Pumpkin."
The fact is, that isn't so. There are so many flaws in me it's overwhelming. It seems like everyday I get called a new name. And I'm not just talking about "dumbass" or "dork". That's reasonable. I get called names by my physical appearance. Something I have no control over. I mean, if I was under weight, for example, because I wanted to be as skinny as a tooth pick on the front of a teeny bopper magazine, then it's my fault I'm a tooth pick and look as boney as I do. But if it's because I have a disorder, a Thyroid problem, then leave me the fuck alone. The least you could do would be to talk behind my back so it doesn't hafta ruin my day. After all, It's not what people say about you that counts. It's what you 'think' people say about you. I just can't take it anymore. If people don't like the way I look, then what the fuck good am I doing here?!
I displease peoples perspective of beauty.
I'm an irrelevant pretty.
Therefore; I'm a relevant ugly.
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Girl...
Hi Natasha
I just wanted to say your name in my Blog.
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Girl...
I told him never to call me again. And he still harasses me. Why doesn't he just leave me alone?
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I watched a play at Natasha's school. Mercy High. =-| Catholic school. lol. Well, why not? It's better than cheap bum teachers at Corning high and I have bad vocabulary Centennial.
Instead of writting cuss words, I write "I have bad vocabulary." It makes it harder for you to guess which cuss word I was going to use.
Anyway, Me had fun with Natasha. I feel bad for her. Wesly- some weird creepy guy- really likes her. And lives about a mile from her house. I think he is stalking her O_O. Bye now self
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"Dying Death Dead."
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Lately I've been busy. I haven't been able to update my blogs or even go online. I guess the internet got a little bit boring to me, eh? "Dying Death Dead."
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Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!
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I went horse back riding with Shastina-( A girl I knew, But just made friends with) She's a lot like me. As in the personality and looks. I swear! She looks a lot like me! Cept for the nose and teeth. I wish I has a small little button nose like hers. Oh well, least I know what I would've looked like with a cute nose. She's not religious. Which is a great thing. She hates religions pushers- What I always complain about...She's on a Coresspondence Corse, for the same reason I am. Common, she's me...Under a different roof. She knows the people I'm friends with. Her boyfriend Chris, worked at the "Pet n' Feed" place in Corning. He knew Brandt. It's really weird how things worked out. I think I found a friend who lives closer to me.
Her interests are about the same as mine. She likes some rock music. But basically, it's country with her. She's lucky I'm not a person who dislikes someone by their musical taste. Labeling is a idiotic thing to do."Dying Death Dead."
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discover what candy you are @ quiz me"Dying Death Dead."
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You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughtful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive.
Find out your color at Quiz Me!
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"Dying Death Dead."
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Yep, I went to Monkey Boards(skateshop/hang-out/band performance place.)-This weekend. It was fun most of the time. Uhm, Ok, It was fun until maybe the middle portion of the show...
I guess I'll just start from the beginning. As soon as I got there, I got greeted by Bryce, with a warm smile.. that fooney face. That made me feel positive. Entering Monkey Boards was strange. The people kept grabbing my arm and asking who I was ..As if I was some sort of famous person. It bothered me.
As the night continued, there were these two girls, Nu nu & Kitty, as they introduced themselves. That only took awhile to get out of them. Here's what took place in order to get their names.
1. First off, a hello from unknown females.
2. A Few compliments back and forth.
3. Sudden, "Hey, Sit on this comfy couch with us.."
4. Me-*Gives weird stare.
5. Them- *Pulling at my arm and demanding I sit with them on the ooo so comfy couch.
6. Unknown Female #1(Nu-nu)-* Sniff sniff....Sniff sniff*(Incase you don't understand what she's doing, she's smelling me.)
7. Unknown Female #1 Speaks- "You smell extremely good." Continues sniffing all over my body...er..parts.
8. Unknown Female #1 Reminds me I, indeed, do smell good.
9. Let's Unknown Female #1 that this girl(me), smells really good.
10. Trys to get Unknown Female #2 To smell me-Fails at first attempt.
11. Unknown Female #1 Begins smelling me in an aroused sort of way.
12. Unknown Female #2 Takes first wiff, Agrees with Unknown Female #1's opinion of "The girl who smells good."
13. Unknown Female #1 asks, "What Do you USE!?!"
14. Scared Brandy- "Tragedy."...
15. Unknown Female #1 and #2 .."You smell very good."
16. Me-...Staring.....staring.. heart beating like..."WHY...WHY ARE FEMALES ATTACHED TO ME SO FAST!?"
17. Unknown Female #1- "Hi, My name's Nu nu by the way. And this is (Unknown Female #2), Kitty.
18. "Hello, My name's Brandy. Nice to meet the both of you.."
19.Me-*thinking of way to excape this weirdness.*
20. My Excuse- "Hey, Be right back. I need to use the restroom."
I did get away, But only for a brief few minutes. They found me again. I was their main attraction....*sigh*
"Dying Death Dead."
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I studied today. I'm now in a "Human Relations" book. I am actually interested in it. I have 3 books to read, all about the same length. Which is 40 pages. At the end of each other I do exams online. It's not that hard to accomplish. I'm also creating a higher self esteem about myself. It's great.
I took a mini human relations quiz, to see how my relations are with people. Most of them I scored very high on. All but the most important, Self-Confidence. -shrugs- I think I'm nothing. What can I say?"Dying Death Dead."
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Uh.. I'm just thinking of what to do today. I didn't sleep good at all last night. Have no idea why. I could read some more today, but that's what I've been doing for the past 4 weeks. Doesn't matter...as long as I'm learning and interested in the book. I believe I've finished 2 books? I'm going on my 3rd now. Yeah..That's what I'll do. "Dying Death Dead."
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"Dying Death Dead."
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"Dying Death Dead."
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"Dying Death Dead."
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"Dying Death Dead."
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I feel bad for Natasha. She acts as if no one cares for her.. I do. I didn't care what people said about her. I know how that goes. People believed rumors about me which in turn, ruined my life.
A girl named Marissa...Oh how I hate her..
She would tell people my mom molested me, dad beat me, I fondled my dogs balls... & guess what? People believed that. She's haunted me my whole school-life. I'm happy I'm out of school and on a Correspondence Corse. I use to cry some nights..I got so frustrated on how stupid people were for believing the rumors Marissa told. She's turned into a slut also. Wearing very low-cut shirts, Flashing guys on the bus, Sticking her hand down guy's pants.. That's not even the half of it. I'm not going to go on about her crazy actions..
It all started when I was in second grade. Marissa use to come over to my house and try to show me what, "French Kissing" was. I didn't know. I was too young. She told me if I didn't french her, she would tell my mom I peed in the tub. So, I did. I didn't like it. Not the taste, not the feel..Nothing about it was good to me. Then finally, one day I decided I'm going to tell my mom just how Marissa really is.
My mom was in shock. She told me NEVER to socialize with her again. I didn't. When Marissa would try and talk to me, I'd call her names like, "Butthead." Childish insults. I ingraved , "Marissa is ugly!" on the walls, side walks, and wooden sides on the playground. I got introuble. Eventually, other children noticed me doing that, told the play yard teacher what I was doing, and I had to stand by the wall everyday until I told Marissa sorry. I never did.
After about..Oh, a week of doing that, Marissa's mom came down to the school. It was after school, the bell had just rang. Her mom came walking over to me, grabbed my wrists, threw my down on the table.."You will be friends with my daughter." she screamed into my face. I started shaking and said.."Ok..Ok..I will. Marissa, I'm sorry." After I stated I was sorry, Her mom said..."And never say shit about my poor little Marissa kissing you. She was just experimenting." (Like fuck she was. Is she still.."Experimenting." now?)-Not that I have a problem with it. It's, I was fucking right about her actions.
By the time I had ran to my mom in the parking lot, she was scared shitless of where I was. I was 10 minutes late getting over to the car. School had been out for atleast 15. The only two cars that were still waiting for their kids, was my moms and Marissa's.
I leaped into the car, told my mom what happened after I cryed for atleast 5 minutes. When I finished the story, my mom was outraged! She came home, screamed to my dad what happened. Jumped in the car with me in it. I told her where Marissa's house was. She then got out of the car, went to her mom's doorstep, and began fist-fighting. My mom did a good job on her mothers. (It hurts me so bad when Marissa tells other people of how ugly my mom is and how much HER mom beat the shit out of my mom.) -lies
What took place in the fight, was my mom pulling her mom's hair. Slammed her head into I couldn't tell what. Her mom tried,"sicking" her little fluffy dog on my mom. My mom kicked it...but fell onto a hamock, causing herself to get tangled. (The only reason she lost her balance, was because of an accident she'd been in. Smashed her knee cap all up.)
To make this long story short, Cops got involved in it. My mom and her mom both got in trouble. Her mom wasn't allowed to come near me. They gave a certain distance she had to stay away from me. So, everything went o.k. between Marissa's mom and my mom.(Meaning my mom wouldn't shoot her if she saw her somewhere.)
However, my school days were living fuck. The rumors she spead, the things she did.. the shit she caused. ..I wanted to die out of all the situations she put me in. "Dying Death Dead."
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"Dying Death Dead."
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So, it's finally hit me..I finally believe him..He really does love me. Now I feel obliviously stupid. I don't know how to respond to this..It's..rather shocking.
I have to thank my friend Nat for defending me..and even stood up for my sister. That was suprising..Ben helped me out too. Gave me some funny's to laugh at. Of course, Sierra is helping me out right at the moment..So, I think I'm going to go now..Nite.
"Dying Death Dead."
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|)ead-
( Poem Written by, Brandy Waldrop.)
Weak little child so lonely and confused
Picked on, whipped on, and sexually abused
Children throw rocks at him
Kick balls toward his face
Beat him with sticks t'ill he crys and begins to bleed all over the place
All he ever wanted to do was fit in
Now all the other children watch his bruised, blood covered body
His face was cut, black and blue
Neck had a swing chain around it too
On his scrapped up knees, were chips of glass
Around his wrists, jump ropes that had been chewed on by the child trying to get free
All because one day, he wanted to look, act, and become someone like me.
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|)ead-
Ugh...this morning is very boring. I have nothing to do. Tonight I'll do some studies. I suppose I'll clean this morning. My room is trashed. Last night I was in a pissy mood and threw stuff all over my bedroom. I think that was do to me being depressed. Lot's of things have been happening...That just shouldn't. Lately I've been meditating to relieve myself from everyday stresses. It works most of the time.
Unfortunately, It didn't work last night. *Hint* on the trashed room.
I hate when people don't listen to what I have to say. I listen to what other people have to say even if I don't give a shit about them or what they're saying. It frustrates me when I can't get my feelings off my chest. I feel like a waste of people's time. Just a plain waste of fucking skin. Not even knowing my purpose of existence annoys me. What the hell am I here for?
1. To piss people off
2. Make people cry
3. Give my parents something to yell at
4. An object to make fun of
5. Become more of nothing
6. Watch other people have fun in life
7. Getting destroyed by feelings slammed apon me
8. Showing a face with ugly emotions
9. Creating hate and taking love
10. (ect)
Where's the positive side in life?
A positive always has a negative. There is no in between. Why exist if it's not going to be worth existing? Why hate and love? Why destroy and create? If you create something, it's going to soon be destroyed. If you destroy something, it will be re-created. No matter what the length of time it takes.
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|)ead-
Hiya Myself...How are you doing? Oh ..i'm doing good. Mighty fine actually. =-|
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|)ead-.............................................
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